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  • Writer's pictureRob Allaert

Destructive behaviour

Everyone who suffers wants anesthesia, with anything that offers a good feeling for a short time. But when it no longer helps, we increase the dose.

All people experience an inner tension between their original childish goodness and their growing selves. We want to return and move forward.

Our instinctive soul wants to preserve the childlike simplicity and goodness. But our curious intellect wants to grow; wants to do business and understand and therefore takes risks.

But because we do not understand enough, because the meaning of everything is unclear, the inner tension increases. The soul feels the loss and the mind is not satisfied.

The more tension, the more compensatory, risky or even destructive behaviour we exhibit. We leave the soul behind and start living from our broken thinking. Add to that all the weight of the lack of unconditional love of growing up in a self-centered world and our childish acceptance that the belittling accusations thrown at us were true. That's how we pile up dismay step by step.

Everyone suffers

Anyone who suffers from this tension wants to numb it. We all resort to behaviours that make you feel good for a short time. But since this doesn't solve the problem, we're going to repeat that behaviour, that habit, and increase the frequency.

Take the example of overeating. Our instincts know that we need food and also know what is enough. But our thinking can lead us to continue to bet on the pleasant feeling of satiety. In this way we no longer do what is good for our body, but we do what keeps distracting us from our inner trauma.

Pursuing that good feeling keeps us from having to work on our problem. This is how we become addicted and therefore more and more chained.

Stop the destruction

The real solution is to understand why we are horrified. Then we can 'catch' our addiction and declare it completely unnecessary. Whoever understands where destructive behaviour comes from, stops the destruction.

Whoever understands one's own dismay can also stop the self-condemnation. After all, we are not guilty of the human condition. We are not responsible for our dismay. It happens to us and makes us experiment with behaviour that we could not fully estimate the risk of. In fact, our intention is pure, but the effect is quickly destructive.

Again, who understands where destructive behaviour comes from, stops the destruction. Or, who understands the mechanisms behind our addiction, it is much easier to let go.

No judgment

Essentially, no one is rightly judging you. Nor am I judging you. You are not guilty. You're not bad. You made heroic efforts that could not help you. You can see that from now on.

Detect the inner tension between your childish goodness and your growing self. Learn from your childish innocence, and learn from your brilliant seeking mind. Put your finger on the destructive wound. Behold the scars; they are proof of the struggle you have entered.

Then declare the destructive behaviour as totally unnecessary and take up a new existence of love for yourself and of love for neighbour. After all, that neighbour also struggles in a unique way with human dismay.

Because whoever understands himself, soon feels compassion for others. On to a better world!

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